With acknowledgment to Irving Tressler, who wrote his parody of Dale Carnegie’s famous “How to Win Friends and Influence People“, both published in 1937.

Snarkiness and downright rudeness seem to be on the rise across social media.

Maybe more of it is coming my way, as my social network expands. Maybe I’m too sensitive to it. Or maybe, because their voices are usually the loudest and most aggressive ones, they reverberate and dig at me more.

I’m talking about the lack of common courtesy and manners, and people spewing hurtful epithets and vitriol, instead of making life more pleasant as we all muddle through our daily challenges.

Why do people feel it’s their right to publish negative content about people they don’t like and possibly don’t even know, with no regard for how their words impact that person – internally and in their perception to the external world?

Is it naive to expect kindness over nastiness on these public platforms? Is it too much to hope that people have learned and practice what is second nature to many of us – “If you have nothing nice to say about someone, say nothing”?

I like to think that eventually their passion for sniping about others will come back to bite them, but comeuppance may not ruffle them at all, or cause them to rethink the way they operate. Maybe they purposefully mean to brand themselves as snide, thoughtless people.

The thing is, many, many people are giddy about aligning themselves with these proponents of negativity, and happily jump on their brandwagons. The more their bad behavior is reinforced, the more they’re encouraged to be snarkier still.

With its conversational chumminess, Twitter especially is riddled with mean-spirited and, frankly, tiresome remarks excused by the perpetrators who forewarn us in their Twitter bios that “I tell it like it is. If you don’t like it, don’t follow me”, or similar words.

Well of course, on Twitter you can un-follow anyone you want to, but these rants against you will still pop up in your @username mentions. And plenty of other people out there are reading this stuff about you.

I’ve gotten Twitter mentions referring to blog posts of mine, stating that my opinions were flat out wrong. I foolishly tried defending my stance in the past, but no more.

I’ve received tweets telling me to change my twitter handle (@MegGuiseppi) because my name is too hard to spell.

Someone I don’t know on Twitter published a tweet accusing me of misusing the word “executive”. What? I’ve been working with executives (my client base) for over 20 years. I think I know who they are and how to use the word properly. And even if I didn’t, who asked you, and why tell the world?

There are Twitter people passing judgement and tw(outing) people who have photos they don’t like.

I have a few blog comments on my Executive Resume Branding blog waiting to be approved that disparage opinions of mine and demean me as a person. I choose not to approve and post them.

I read a blog post recently on a highly-esteemed site that basically dissed career coaches as dispensers of damaging job seeking advice, and then at the end of the post, dug the knife in by daring any of us in the profession to rebut. The author was clearly looking to boost her blog comments, and delighted in the repercussions she hoped she’d set in motion.

In my world, Dale Carnegie’s core principles should always hold true – for real-life and virtual interaction:

  • Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.
  • Give honest and sincere appreciation.
  • Arouse in the other person an eager want.
  • Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely.
  • Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never tell someone they are wrong.
  • If you’re wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
  • Appeal to noble motives.

Related posts:

Social Media Spins Too Fast

14 Reasons I Won’t Follow You On Twitter [Revisited]

LinkedIn Helps You Find the Right Twitter People to Follow

You’re a C-level Executive Job Seeker and You’re NOT Blogging?

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How to Get the Best LinkedIn Recommendations

by Meg Guiseppi on July 23, 2010 · 5 comments

View Meg Guiseppi's profile on LinkedIn

Why are LinkedIn recommendations so important?

The true measure of your executive brand and promise of value to future employers is reflected in what those who know your work the best – co-workers, peers, top management, team members, customers, etc. – have to say about you.

Executive recruiters and hiring authorities routinely source talent through LinkedIn search. They’re attracted to candidates who have quality recommendations on their profiles. If you have no recommendations, they may question the value you offer and skip over you.

And, at least 3 recommendations are required (among other criteria) before LinkedIn considers your profile 100% complete, giving your profile a much better chance of landing high in LinkedIn searches.

Best tip to get the best recommendations?

Write good recommendations to get good recommendations. Two bonuses when you use this strategy:

1. Your recommendations of others include a link to your profile, extending your footprint on LinkedIn. Hiring authorities checking out the person you recommended will click over to your profile if you are someone of interest to them.

2. Recommendations that you write and the ones written for you show up in network updates for you and for the people you recommended, keeping your brand top of mind with both networks. 

A few cautions:

Only ask for recommendations from people who will give you a good recommendation. Don’t strive for quantity over quality.

Only give recommendations to people you can honestly praise. Social media authority Chris Brogan noted in his recent post on LinkedIn Recommendation Tips:

“I’ll say this once: if you recommend someone and can’t really vouch for their work, you’re just setting your own reputation up for a blow. Don’t do it . . . I’ll never recommend someone whose work I don’t know enough about.”

Avoid obviously contrived recommendations, ones that look like they were written just for the sake of reciprocating (“I’ll write one for you, if you write one for me.”). They will probably backfire. Recruiters are good at sniffing these out, and they can harm you and diminish your value.

Don’t demand a reciprocal recommendation.

Give the same kinds of recommendations you hope to receive. When writing recommendations Brogan suggests:

“Lead with the strongest thing you can say about the person. ‘Gerry is a clutch player in the world of project management.’ If you can’t say anything particularly strong, you might reconsider whether you’d recommend them.”

What are the best LinkedIn recommendations?

Assuming you have clarity on what jobs, industry, and audience you’re targeting, and your LinkedIn profile reflects this, you should seek recommendations that will hit home with your target audience and align with the qualifications and qualities they’re seeking.

It’s okay to help people write a recommendation for you, if they’re willing, by letting them know what kind of information you’re looking for. Asking them questions such as these should help them compose a paragraph or two:

1. What do you feel are my top strengths and skills that have most benefitted the company?

2. In what ways did I add value to the team and to the company?

3. What things did you know you could always rely on me to deliver?

4. In what ways have I helped you do your job?

Better yet, you may want to provide them with suggested verbiage and an actual example of the kind of recommendation you’re looking for. This would give them a foundation to work from and improve upon.

Related posts:

Executive Personal Branding and Your LinkedIn Profile FREE e-Book

LinkedIn: Best Tactic for Undercover Executive Job Search

Power Your Executive Personal Brand with LinkedIn Groups

Stalled Executive Job Search? Get Busy on LinkedIn and Twitter

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{ 5 comments }

Maximize Your Executive Brand Online with the 6 P’s

July 20, 2010

Create a well-rounded online brand communications strategy to market your unique promise of value and capture the attention of your target audience.

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Cover Letter Debate: Are They Necessary in Executive Job Search?

July 16, 2010

Some of my fellow careers industry professionals dismiss cover letters as an ineffective marketing tool. I don’t agree.

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Does Your Twitter Bio Pack an Executive Brand Punch?

July 13, 2010

Carefully craft what you put there to resonate with the people you want to attract.

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Find the World’s Best Companies for C-level Executive Jobs

July 7, 2010

Lists include vital information for your industry and company research, to help with due diligence, market intelligence, and interview preparation.

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Copyright 2009-2010, Meg Guiseppi, Executive Career Brand, All rights reserved.